Kohen’s Story - What got this started…

This last year has been rough…not going to lie about it one bit. BUT that being said, im going into 2020 with some BIG dreams and goals.

Here is where you will find all the blog posts, birth stories, fun takeaways, and life tidbits as they happen. I hope to be able to document not only the beauty of life for others, but also document my own journey as a mother and a loss survivor here. I wanted to “open” this blog with what got my fire started again after what seemed like a photography hiatus while I returned to the real workforce in 2019.

One of the main reasons I decided to dive back into what I love so much in 2020 was the loss of our son Kohen. We found out we were expecting this sweet babe only two days after a massive tree came crashing through our home. (I told you….2019 was really not our year) We called him our silver lining in the storm. We knew, right then and there, he was going to be something special to us. We began to get excited about what a family of 5 life looked like.

Due to the unplanned home construction, we relocated to a rental across town and our things were put into storage. We lived with what we could fit in the truck and rental furniture in that little rental. In August I had my first midwife apt. I got to see that little bean and listen to his heart beat. It was finally all coming together…the true happiness in all of the chaos that life presented resided in my womb and I was determined that the joy would beam from the inside out.

When I was pregnant with Kinleigh (our youngest), I was told she was a he for the first 30ish weeks. All ultrasounds had the OBs stating boy. Well….he was defiantly a she! I had another scan late in my pregnancy with her so they could see parts of her heart where she wouldn’t cooperate before. Thats when they determined that she was really a she. Since that experience, I was afraid that ultrasound identification would go poorly again this go around. I elected to do early blood testing (NIPTS) that would reveal the gender of the baby. Traditionally this test is used for detecting chromosome abnormalities such as Downs Syndrome, Trisomy 18 and Trisomy 16. This blood draw took place at 10 weeks.

I went…had the lab work and was anxiously waiting the results that were supposed to come back in 1 week or less. THREE weeks later and many phone calls to the testing company I had a midwife appointment that offered me one of my lowest moments in life.

The midwife came in and sat down. She asked if I had received my results. I explained I had been contacting the company but no one would release results to me. She stated she had the results and they were not releasing them to me because of severe abnormalities. She then told me my sweet babe that was growing was a boy. (HELLO SHOCK) She also told me that he would be fighting for his life with Trisomy 18 and Downs Syndrome upon birth.

I inhaled. I exhaled. I accepted it for what it was. There was nothing I could change, but I was going to continue to love that baby come hell or high water.

Then, we went to check fetal heartbeat. There I was, just under 14 weeks and expecting to hear that sweet “thump, thump” I had heard only weeks prior….I heard nothing but static. The midwife suggested we move to the ultrasound room for a closer look. - With both the girls I had anterior placentas, so it made it hard to hear baby - I was hopeful and betting on the fact that this was the case….it was not.

The ultrasound tech found baby with the abdominal ultrasound. But needed a “clearer picture” so we moved to transvaginal. Once that probe had an image of baby. I knew the lifeless body I saw on the screen was the outline of my unborn deceased child. I remember stating to the ultrasound tech “that’s not good is it” while I was trying to hold it together. She then had a somber look on her face as she asked me to get dressed and head to the private conference room next door.

In that room I met with the same midwife. She told me those words no mother ever should have to hear “i’m sorry, the baby has passed”.

I left crying. I was to be scheduled for a D&C in the following days as baby was too big for me to pass naturally. That week and the following were traumatic with a sense of shock, an overwhelming amount of emotion and loss.

We named our sweet boy Kohen Alexander Dodgion.

Since loosing Kohen I have been on an emotional roller coaster in the grief process. During this time, I have discovered and fallen back in love with all things birth related. I find myself reading birth stories and having my heart warmed. I wanted to incorporate this into my photography and have decided to offer birth photography once again. This will be paired with a new journey into the world as a doula. I will be studying to be a traditional and bereavement doula. To me, this will hold a special place in my heart as every birth and baby should be celebrated. Every mother needs support along their journey. Motherhood is hard. Loosing a child is hard. Having support for all these things is essential and we need to see more of that community building. <3 I choose to enroll with StillBirthDay to seek my doula certifications because I felt that its important for women to not only feel empowered by their pregnancies and birth, but in times of loss as well when someone is facing the loss of a child.

I cant wait to finish my doula certifications and officially start offering doula services to the area along side my birth photography!

If you follow me on social media, you may already know we are expecting another sweet babe. We found out in November that we were blessed again to fall pregnant. We are expecting another little boy - Theodore James Dodgion - Est arrival August 3 2020.

People often ask me how many children I have. I state 4. I have 2 here on earth, 1 in heaven and 1 on the way. <3 Kohen will always be apart of our story. I am using his story and our journey as my platform and inspiration for the future of my business. I cant wait to see where this journey takes me.